It truly pains me to watch you everyday make self-defeating decisions, knowing how avoidable they are. What if I told you that you don’t need to worry ever again, that you have the instincts to make good decisions, that arguing is avoidable, that no matter how alone, inadequate or misunderstood you feel, you’re not? You’re a lot more complicated than you give yourself credit for. If you weren’t, you would have solved all your problems by now!

As a psychotherapist, I’m used to the skepticism, even ridicule, of mental health. In fact, no one understands your reluctance more than I. But when you ignore your mental health, you’re rejecting yourself. You’re wandering through life, avoiding the essence of who you are. Do you have any idea how self-destructive this is – not just for you individually, but for society?

Mental health is as vital to our existence as physical health, but we live in a society that places greater value on one over the other, that stigmatizes mental health and dismisses its relevance. We don’t equate the word “medical” with “disorder.” We don’t shame people for seeking medical care. We don’t expect people to treat their physical illnesses without medical intervention. We don’t assume we know as much as physicians.

It’s ironic people think going to therapy means you’re “weak,” mentally ill, or “crazy” – as though not going to therapy means you’re emotionally strong and psychologically fit. Fact is, most people go through life driven by emotions they’re not even aware of.

Imagine what would happen if you put your hand on a hot stove and couldn’t feel pain or starved yourself and didn’t feel hungry. You have feelings for the same reason. They are a survival mechanism – information of a need or threat you’re ignoring. When you ignore a feeling, you’re ignoring a human need – leaving you perpetually dissatisfied, regretful, resentful, conflicted, and more.

Furthermore, you have multiple feelings at the same time because you have multiple needs at the same time. In order to make good decisions, you must be mindful of all your feelings and identify where they’re coming from. Then you need to do what’s in your control, which in turn requires a repertoire of coping skills.

That’s where therapy comes in. Despite what you think you know, a therapist’s job is not to give advice. There are already plenty of people in your life doing that. It’s not to judge or criticize. You’re already doing that to yourself. And it’s not to fix your problems. Nobody can do that for you.

Psychotherapy is a journey of empowerment. I like to think of myself as a trail guide, leading you through the peaks and valleys of your past, present and future to reach your full potential. Along the way we take time to understand you, and teach you how to be understanding of yourself and access your innate abilities.

You don’t have a crystal ball, but you can have a toolbox full of coping skills to take with you wherever you go. In other words, you can’t anticipate every outcome or control every variable, but you can arm yourself with insight, problem-solving and coping skills to overcome challenges. This is how you achieve a sense of control and confidence.

We all know people who go through life repeating the same bad decisions because they lack the psychological tools to adapt – like building a house or repairing a car using only a hammer, wrench and screwdriver. They keep relying on the same coping mechanisms because it’s all they know and feel comfortable with.